Listening With The Heart: An Interview with Andrea Cohen
Years ago a friend introduced me to the practices and teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. Through that first compact book, full of every day meditations, his teachings and lifestyle intrigued me. Hanh’s writings, which are intended to help folks like me and possibly you bring more mindfulness and reflection into daily life, pulled me inch by inch and day by day into the beautiful concept of a more compassionate lifestyle.
Recently with the introduction of Compassionate Listening into my awareness, I feel as though I came full circle. As a consultant, coach, and trainer with an emphasis in the human and social service fields – I strive to find ways to expand my knowledge and then share that wisdom with others. I do this through one on one coaching, instruction, and even through social media mediums just like this with blogging or Facebook. Even in my personal life as a woman, friend, daughter, mother, aunt, and grandparent - social media is a tool to stay connected. However, I must admit I hold a bit of a love/hate relationship with social media and its nuances.
With communication being the key to great relationships, then with the help of personal and professional tools at our disposal – such as social media, texting, IMing and many others – communication can also be terribly misinterpreted , especially when participating in any other form than one on one, face to face conversations. Even then, misinterpretation can occur. Because such a great portion of communication is body language, when body language is absent interpretation can become blurred. Listening with compassion, Hanh tells us is a form of “deep listening...the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person…[if] you just listen with compassion…One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.”
Compassionate Listening helps us to awaken to what the mystics from all of the great faiths have known for centuries: that cultivating the wisdom of the heart is the key to real peace from the inside out. The intention of Compassionate Listening is to access our deepest wisdom to transform separation and conflict into an opportunity for connection, healing and peace.
Recently, I had the pleasure of spending a sunny morning with local Compassionate Listening Facilitator, Andrea Cohen. Andrea has been a developer of Compassionate Listening curricula for years and sitting with her I could drink in her passion. Andrea co-directed the Jewish-German Compassionate Listening Project and also directed the Compassionate Listening film Children of Abraham. As a facilitator of Compassionate Listening workshops, both locally and internationally, Andrea integrates the fundamentals of Compassionate Listening into dialogue events.
With the growing divisiveness within our country, on social media, in personal conversations, and simply in a time of such mismatched viewpoints, I find myself pulled toward the teachings of Compassionate Listening and Andrea’s explanation that “the core of mindfulness is deeply imbedded in [a Compassionate Listening] practice...Compassionate Listening is a way of being in the world. It’s a core, a way that integrates the wisdom of heart, the wisdom of the body and the wisdom of mind.” I listened so intently to every word she shared and for the first time felt that I had possibly found the answer to bringing healthy dialogue back for colleagues, friends, and family. It was truly a breath of fresh air. I further pondered just how Compassionate Listening could be a useful practice to those of us in the helping field, the teaching field, social services, the legal field, first responders, family members – and truly – as Andrea stated "everyone".
Andrea provided a brief description to me of the number of skills and practices
present in Compassionate Listening that helps bring mindfulness and compassion back into our dialogue, particularly in difficult situations. This, she emphasized, is why Compassionate Listening is so relevant to everybody in a family, a community, or a work place. I thought about my work in human services, social services, nonprofit leadership, coaching and teaching and how very relevant and helpful Compassionate Listening tools could be in any of these works.
It was becoming clear to me that Compassionate Listening is not only how we are with others, but how we are with ourselves. Andrea explained that “if we can get to that place of heart opening and compassion with ourselves, we are more likely to bring that into the world with other people.” This can truly be a key to a successful career in human and social services – and the basis of self care which is so crucial to longevity in these fields. Compassionate Listening practices, as Andrea so eloquently explained, are so very important, particularly in conflict “or when [you are] triggered by someone else’s way of being, their words, their political positions, not only political positions but the positions in the world.” Andrea even so genuinely explained how she has personally found these practices extremely helpful over the years with her family, friends and others who can be challenging or even those holding political positions that are different from hers. By implementing Compassionate Listening, I strongly believe communities can grow closer together and possibly, just possibly, we might begin to mend the divisiveness that has erupted out of differing political viewpoints and grown to become our cultural norms.
Living in Israel for a short period of time, Andrea became engaged with the Middle Eastern Citizen Diplomacy, the precursor to Compassionate Listening, in the early 1990s. The mission of this work was to meet with folks on all sides of the spectrum in order to get a broader understanding while also erasing any aspect of judgment and making people wrong. As the work evolved from the original teachings of Gene Knudsen Hoffman, a Quaker and peace maker who had done work with Thich Nhat Hanh, a sprinkling for the broader peacemaking perspective was introduced. As a filmmaker, around 1997, Andrea was asked to document the Jewish Compassionate Listening experience, which became the film Children of Abraham. As Andrea shared so passionately about her experiences, one of her vivid memories was “being in this group with a Palestinian community on the West Bank. I was sitting in back talking to the photographer with tears dripping down my face. The power of the experience was so meaningful to me.” It was clear to me just how impactful and healing Compassionate Listening can be in so many situations near and far.
Later becoming involved with the Jewish/German reconciliation project, and growing up Jewish, Andrea explained just how personally difficult it was to open her heart to the German experience. She shared that even though it remained powerful, she was invited back to teach in Germany where she visited a camp and was asked to do a workshop. This personal work became the first academic conference devoted to children and grandchildren of perpetrators and Andrea was one of the first people who were Jewish to do this work and have it simultaneously translated. She shared how healing this work can be and in so many aspects. It became very clear to me, how a practice intended in its origin as a tool for world peacemaking, can trickle down to individual communities, families and individuals. I am so very excited to be able to share this concept with my community here in the Pacific Northwest.
Andrea Cohen’s collaboration with the Anacortes Center for Happiness brings an Introduction to Compassionate Listening Workshop on September 22nd. As a participant, you can have an opportunity to gain first- hand, through experiential learning, the tools behind this theory.
A personal practice – to cultivate inner strength, self awareness, self regulation and wisdom
A skill set – to enhance interpersonal relations and navigate challenging conversation
A process – to bring individuals or groups together to bridge their differences and transform conflict
A healing gift – to offer a compassionate listening session to a person who feels marginalized or in pain
Andrea holds a Masters Degrees in both Education and Social Work. She is the author of Practicing the Art of Compassionate Listening, a practical guidebook that helps people utilize compassionate listening skills in the heat of daily life challenges and has directed the Compassionate Listening film Children of Abraham. She facilitates Compassionate Listening workshops nationally and internationally and continues to mentor people in the practices of Compassionate Listening.
"We must listen and listen and listen…for the truth in our opponent, and we must acknowledge it...for no one and no one side is the sole repository of truth. But each of us has a spark of it within. Perhaps, with compassion as our guide, that spark in each of us can become a glow, and then perhaps a light and we will watch one another in awe as we become illuminated." Gene Knudson Hoffman, founder of Compassionate Listening.
Join us for an: Introduction to Compassionate Listening
Saturday, September 22, 2018
At the Anacortes Center for Happiness
click the link to Compassionate Listening Workshop with Andrea Cohen
Early bird registration open until September 10th!